What's in a Name?

Back in the days when JRPGs were the kings of the hill, there was a neat little innovation taking place.  PC games probably had this about 10 years ahead but it was the console space where I had experienced this first.  I'm talking about the simple act of choosing your character's name.  I still remember the thrill I got the first time a game (probably Dragon Warrior/Quest) asked me to enter my name as the name of the hero character.  There after, every time my name pops onto the screen, I would get chills.  I mean, there it is, big as life.  My very own name.  Since then, I've entered my name on dozens of occasions and watched with a smile as NPCs praise me for my courage, stare in awe at my power, and call me out as a hero by name.  It really felt good putting a piece of myself into the game world, and as a kid at the time, it went a long way towards building my self image.  It didn't really bother me how none of it is real, and that I'm just an armchair hero.  The fact is, there's someone in the game with my name, under my control, in another world inside the TV and every time he did something, I felt like I had done it.  Now back then, in the days of Final Fantasy 6 or Dragon Quest III, the character with your name can't really do much.  Most games are linear, and it doesn't seem like you're affecting the world other than the way the game wanted you to.  Not like Oblivion or Knights of the Old Republic.  Not even multiple endings like Shin Megami Tensei IV.

Ironically enough, by the time these games came out, I was no longer putting in my own name.  Somewhere along the line, I deviated but don't know why.  Maybe I got tired of identifying myself with characters who are not really me.  Or maybe I just felt a little self conscious using my name in a game.  But either way, I stopped.  Or rather, I used a nickname.  For the longest time after ditching my real name, I began using the nickname 'Lashaar'.  'Lashaar' was actually a name I had used for one of the characters in Tales of Destiny.  In that game, you're not limited to just the ability to name your main character, but you can rename every character in your party the way you see fit.  Games like these are fun because you can use your friend's names in place of defaults, and pretend that it's your friend acting out the roles as prescribed by the game.  But for Tales of Destiny, I didn't use friend's names.  I just made names up as I went along.  It just so happened that 'Lashaar' was the name I used for the character of 'Leon' in Tales of Destiny.  Leon is a classic tragic figure, and I felt his plight in a very real way, making a connection between myself and Leon/Lashaar.  Since that time, I started to use 'Lashaar' as a way to be me yet without naming myself.  So it's like a nickname.

'Lashaar' worked, until recently when I got tired of that too.  This time, I think it's because I'm already an adult.  And don't really need to relate myself to game charactes anymore.  I'm more comfortable with the distance between my real self, and any virtual self I see on my TV.  In a way, I've grown up a bit, realizing that I have a place in this real world just like how I have a place in the virtual one, and there's really no need to co-mingle the two.  In this sense, even using 'Lashaar' is too much like using my real name.  So I ditched it.  Now it becomes a problem.  What do I call myself now?  There are no default names when playing games like Fallout or Skyrim.  I had to enter something.  So I named myself as a concept.  More specifically, I call myself 'Beingness' now.  Strange, yes?  But that's the point.  It's not a name so much as it is a concept, which is perfect for my needs since it is not a name which needs to refer to me.  Indeed it's not a name at all.  I chose 'Beingness' because I enjoy the idea of having a name which makes no sense.  What is 'beingness'?  Being what, exactly?  This reminds me of some spiritual tenents some of you might have heard before.  How there  can be something that is an embodiment of nothing, but at the same time, everything.  Light and dark.  Here and there.  Male and female.  Beingness as a name, kinda has that quaility of being this or that, but neither this nor that.  In otherwords, it's perfectly neutral and so perfect for my needs. 

Yes, it's really strange having characters in the game call me Beingness.  Sometimes I wonder how it all sounds so weird but have since grown used to it.  In games where the space for the name is shorter, I would using 'Being' instead.  This makes it less awkward sounding, so for most games now I go with 'Being'.  It captures the essence of 'Beinginess' while at the same time, making it easier to get a handle on.  Right now my charater in SMT IV is called 'Being'.  I still identify very much with the character, but it's not because of my name.  I do it because I choose to.  Because it's a good game.  Otherwise I'm happy with using a concept in place of having a character.

PS.  I won't use a name like 'Beingness' in an MMO though, prefering a normal sounding name like 'Sofia' instead.  This is simply a practical consideration.  I would rather meet up with real players without the burden of having to explain my name.  Greases the wheel of social interaction.